Village Life part 5: Village Idiots

Once or twice I've mentioned the driving around here, haven't I?  Its probably the single most difficult thing for me to cope with.  I mean even more than trying to get my visa extended.  Seriously.  Because for all its insanity, the visa is at least a one-time deal (a one-time deal that drags on for months but still, once I get or don't get it, its over and we move on) but the driving situation is never-ending.
I know I have a prejudice, I fully admit to it:  I hate driving.  I hate being in a car. I don't care how luxurious the vehicle, I don't care how good the road, I don't care how desirable is the destination to which I am headed.  I hate driving.  Or even being a passenger (I think I hate that more if possible).  So is it a surprise that I have such a large, unwieldy ax to grind?  No.  Those of you who know me well are rolling your eyes and saying "oh, here she goes again about the driving thing."

One of the things I love about where we live in Santa Cruz is that our street gets almost only local traffic. But in Obedin, sadly, because we're right on the road, we get more traffic here in one day than in a week in Santa Cruz.

Why do people here (or anywhere for that matter) build right on the road?  Well that is the subject of another post.

More germane is 'why do people drive like idiots'?  Folks, I'm not going to sugar-coat it or try to be PC in anyway: the drivers here are Morons. Retards. Imbeciles.  (You can fill in the rest with your own vocabulary, this is a family show).

Now I know we have some very bad drivers in the States but let's face it, 9 times out of 10 when you witness someone being reckless it turns out the driver was a teenager or someone on drugs. Here its grandparents, doctors, lawyers, parents with little children in the car and they are all stone cold sober. Oddly enough, you don't see many teenagers behind the wheel here but maybe that's because there is no thrill to be had. Oh I suppose a case could be made about depressed economic conditions making it almost impossible for teenagers to have cars but I think its something else.  I think it has to do with the fact that one of the tenets of the teenage experience is engaging in what they perceive as edgy, independent behavior. Why drive like an idiot when your parents and grandparents do the same thing? There's no fun in that.

Now its true that there are some decent drivers. And its true that there are plenty of non-drivers who are frustrated with the idiots. Nicolina and Titel frequently express their dismay at the idiocy. Yet by and large everyone has adopted the attitude of “I can do nothing about it.” I don't know if this is left-over from communism or a result of dealing with the Romanian bureaucracy. In any case, no one seems too interested in trying to fix the problem of idiots racing through our village.

If no one else seems to care about this situation why should I?  I don't know, maybe its the nurse in me; maybe I've seen too many people being feed pureed food through a straw because hunks of their brains were splattered on the side of the highway.  Maybe its the mother in me because I don't like the idea of my children setting off metal detectors at the airport from all of the pins and rods required to keep their femurs intact.  Maybe I just have common sense and the ability to think ahead and I realize that someday some idiot is going to kill someone. Who knows. And anyway, its not a problem that is unique to our village, its all over the country.

Again, why?

I suppose some of the answer lies in what I call the Fundamental Rules of Driving in Romania and I will illustrate with a few photos from an incident that happened not far from our house about a month ago:

The first rule is that there is no such thing as a one-lane road or a two-lane road or any sort of conventional standard as you know it.  Rather, the road has as many lanes as there are drivers who are willing to squeeze past each other. Don't ever expect that just because you see a large bus filling a narrow country road that the approaching drivers will say to themselves "Hmm, this large bus is taking up the whole road, I'd better pull over or at least slow down to make sure we both can fit."  If you expect that, you will be disappointed.  Because what you are more likely to see is the approaching traffic pick up speed, lay on the horn and use part of someone's front yard to expand the "road" so that they can pass the bus.  Passing is the name of the game here.  You see, its really not driving, its passing.  You pass wagons, you pass large, lumbering trucks, you pass slow cars, you pass fast cars, you pass people who are trying to pass the slow cars ahead of you, you pass people who are trying to pass you.  (That last one is not a type-o.  I've seen it people.)

Rule number two is that there are no hazardous driving conditions.  Because the danger of everything is evaluated after the fact.  If you pass someone on a blind curve on a rainy, dusky evening and you don't crash into oncoming traffic, the situation is afterward evaluated as having been completely safe.  If, however, you crash and find yourself in the middle of crush of metal, bits of bone and blood, the situation was obviously a complete disaster.  But you don't make this evaluation before you decide to pass on the blind curve, no.

There are no risks, there are only bad outcomes.  The driving philosophy seems to be that you don't think about the potential risks prior to any decision you make while operating your vehicle, you just deal with the outcomes that follow and look baffled when they turn out badly.

The third rule of Romanian driving is that the greater the hazards on the road, the more speed you should apply.  If its a sunny, pleasant day and there is no one on the road, you can feel free to slow down and make way for the lone pedestrian you may encounter here and there.  However, if its raining and there is a group of children walking to school, a man on a bicycle, a wagon and several buses, be sure to keep your foot firmly on the gas pedal at all times.  Why should you slow down? you have your horn and the liberal use of it should be enough to let everyone know that you are there and its their responsibility to get out of the way.

Finally, (this one applies to non-drivers) if you are unfortunate enough to be plowed into by any vehicle while you are innocently riding your bicycle or pursuing other normal activities of daily living, be sure to wave off the incident as nothing.  Especially if you have not suffered more than some bruising and minor bleeding.  Please, be sure to do this so that there are no repercussions for the driver. Tell everyone gathered around that the driver was not at fault for talking on the phone and speeding on a rainy day.  If you are the driver of said vehicle and you find yourself surrounded by angry villagers demanding to know why you are driving with such reckless disregard for human life be sure to insist that they are all stupid.  Also be sure to mention the fact that you are pregnant and that they are endangering the life of your unborn by causing you emotional distress.  When someone points out that this is all the more reason why you should have been driving with greater care, stare at them blankly and then ask what one thing possibly has to do with the other.

If you are the police, be sure that when you arrive you get very irritated with everyone involved in the case for interrupting whatever it was that you were doing before you were called to the scene.  Be sure to imply that no one is at fault, that these odd things just happen sometimes, who can understand the mysterious workings of the universe?  If someone points out that the rainy conditions and presence of a man on a bike should have caused the driver to turn off the phone and slow down, stare at that person blankly and ask what one thing has to do with the other.  Instead focus on the most important issue which is whether or not anyone present has any outstanding fees they have not paid so that you can collect the fines.

Finally, the last bit which is not a rule, its just a sad, pathetic fact which is that part of the reason none of the bad driving in our village will really ever improve, why we can't get everyone together to help fix the problem (I.e: speed bumps or something) is that most all of the drivers who race down our road like idiots live here.

 The old man in the blue rain boots and cap was the one who was struck by the young woman in the black leggings and beige trench coat.  Everyone else just had nothing better to do but hang around and watch.  (Some things in life are universal)